Thank you to everyone who entered our “Obfuscated Religious Nonsense” contest. In case you don’t remember, we challenged readers to produce garbage prose so meaningless that it would seem “deep” and “insightful” to the small-minded.
There were tons of great entries, including “Christ’s Reduction of the Cathectic Libido Into the Unconscious,” “The Illusory Conflict Between Abrahamism and Abrahamology,” and “Wudu: Mahometan Catharsis or Baphometan Idol?”
But after careful consideration, the winner is a young man named Deepak Chopra, whose “The Law Of Attraction and Sankalpa” was head-and-shoulders above the competition. He scored high on every one of our judging criteria.
* invention of plausibly-named nonsense terms:
Sankalpa is the subtlest level of intention at the cusp of choiceless awareness and thought.
* “potentiality” and “synchronicity” used in same sentence:
The fundamental mechanics of intention manifesting into reality is based on the principle that intent in the field of pure potentiality organizes its own fulfillment through the synchronicity of space, time, energy, information, and matter.
* misuse of science terminology:
It is sankalpa that holds together the web of sutras that uphold all life and interdependently and synchronistically co-arise as space-time events in the entire cosmos.
* appeal to the “infinite”:
When the individual sankalpa is aligned with cosmic sankalpa it orchestrates the infinite organizing power of the entire universe so that the individual intention becomes the cosmic intention and the cosmic intention becomes the individual intention.
* gratuitous capitalization:
An individual who is established in Being can harness the power of sankalpa to bring about the spontaneous fulfillment of any desire.
* appeal to obscure scriptures:
As the Upanishads state “You are your deepest desire.”
* utter unintelligibility:
It is like the seed structure of intelligence around which time, space, and matter consolidate into a manifested event.
Excerpts, however, cannot do this entry justice. You should really read the whole thing on Chopra’s website.
Congratulations, Deepak! I hope you’ll enter our next contest, “Prank a major medical journal!”