Posts Tagged ‘barack obama’

Graduation speakers are always a tricky issue. The year I graduated college, they picked some speaker no one wanted to hear, and then shortly before graduation she died (or got sick, I forget which), and they replaced her with someone else no one wanted to hear. And yet, we all showed up, sat in the sweltering 100-degree heat for hours, passed around a bag of wine, and enjoyed our heatstroke. A couple of years earlier they’d brought in History’s Greatest Monster as the speaker and still everyone showed up.

Kids these days are a little pickier, it turns out, and some Notre Dame seniors are skipping their graduation on account of graduation speaker Barack Obama.

Are they upset that he opposes gay marriage? That he puts Dijon mustard on his burgers? That he’s stacking the USDOJ with shills for the recording industry? That he’s making fun of those of us who think drugs should be legalized?

No, they don’t like that he’s pro-abortion. I guess this shouldn’t be too surprising, as being weird about sex is a pretty intrinsic part of Catholicism. This is, of course, described in the book:

The Catholic Church has extreme views on sex, arguing that it is permissible only between married couples, and only for the purposes of procreation and (occasionally) revenge. Accordingly, Catholics are prohibited from using condoms (even in Swaziland), from getting lap dances or table dances (even at The Pink Pussycat), from commissioning Mother-Teresa-simulacrum RealDolls, and from mentally undressing priests.

In addition, Catholics are adamantly opposed to abortion, even in the case of tentacle rape, arguing that life begins at the instant of conception, and that an eight-cell, half-tentacle zygote has just the same “right to life” as you do. (If you point out that some huge proportion of conceptions end in spontaneous abortion, Catholics will usually either blame this on Satan, argue that abortion is actually acceptable “when god does it,” or pretend that they only understand Latin.)

In any event, I am looking forward to President Obama’s speech. I’m kind of hoping that he’ll offer to pay my mortgage.


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Today is the first Thursday in May, which means it’s the National Day of Prayer! NDP is, of course, the fourth-best holiday of the year, right after Mischief Night, System Administrator Appreciation Day, and National Corndog Day.

I know what you’re thinking: shouldn’t National Day of Prayer be one of my least favorite holidays?

Well, some of you may be too young to remember this, but it used to be the case that Jews prayed three times every day, Muslims prayed five times every day, and Christians prayed pretty much continuously. Then it became only once a day, then only once a week, then only once a month, and then only on major holidays like Christmas and Yom Kippur and Eid ul-Fitr and Earth Day.

That we find ourselves in a country where prayer has been relegated to a once-a-year event is a huge victory for reason. How can you not celebrate?

Now, every year the NDP has a theme. Past themes have included “One Nation, Under God,” “Prayer! America’s Strength and Shield,” and “We Got To Pray Just to Make it Today.”

This year’s theme is “Prayer … America’s Hope.”


Although my research skills are typically impeccable, I have been unable to figure out what the full theme was before they abbreviated it. I suspect it was one of the following:

  • Prayer Is Not America’s Hope
  • Prayer Never Helped Hope Williams Brady, Who Was America’s Hope
  • Prayer Couldn’t Bring Forgiveness to Bill Clinton, Who Was Born in America’s Hope
  • Prayer is America’s Dope, which is incompatible with America’s Hope
  • Prayer is Not a Good Strategy in International Sailing Events, Which Are Typically Won by Well-trained Crews Sailing Ships with Names Like Stars & Stripes, Old Glory, 2 Legit 2 Quit, Captains Courageous, U Can’t Touch This, and America’s Hope

Apparently there is also some sort of controversy on account of President Obama not inviting a bunch of evangelical nuts to pray with him.

The following criticism is pretty typical:

I feel sorry for everyone who does not know the love and hope of Christ during these hard times, especially politicians who trust in their own reputations, political influence, strength, and riches. One day, all will give account to the Living God, one day every knee shall bow, and declare that Jesus Christ is Lord, (Philippians 2:10-11). That includes but is not limited to: President Barak [sic] Obama, Nancy Pelosi, Diane Feinstein, Arlen Specter, etc.

However, Obama has also received praise from those who argue that he has more important things to be working on, like nationalizing the auto industry, shutting down small toymakers, and proposing tiny budget cuts that he knows Congress will end up rejecting.

In any case, that won’t stop me from celebrating. Happy Prayer Day!

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US News and World Report has put together a special feature on the “10 Most Important Obama Faith Moments.” Of course they picked stupid ones like “Having Rick Warren pray at the inauguration” and “Luring Tony Dungy away from football to join the Faith Advisory Council” and “Smearing holy dirt on Joe Biden’s forehead.” Bo-ring!

Submitted for your approval, here are my top ten Obama faith moments:

10. Healed a leper at town hall meeting in Berea, Ohio.
9. Drove evil spirits out of Lincoln Bedroom.
8. Using the tax dollars of only a few wealthy Americans, miraculous transferred large sums of money to his cronies at AIG.
7. Cursed John McCain, who withered. (Although he was pretty withered to start with.)
6. Cured a paralytic by restoring federal funding of stem cell research.
5. Descended into hell .
4. Arranged to feed (and make mortgage payments for) the multitude.
3. Calmed the storm in the stock market.
2. Miraculous conversion of Arlen Specter.
1. Raised Larry Summers from the dead.

Did I forget any?

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