Is it June 5 already? That means it’s a triple religious holiday! And you can celebrate all three.
2. Next, for Gaia-worshippers, today is World Environment Day, which is their fourth-holiest day, right after Earth Day, Fossil Fools Day, and Carl Garner Federal Lands Cleanup Day. Put on a hemp shirt and chat up that hippie barista at Starbucks. You’ll be glad you did.
3. And most importantly, it’s Worldwide Cancer Prayer Day.
“The ministers will pray for healing for people who have cancer, prevention for people who do not have cancer, comfort for people who have lost someone to cancer and wisdom for cancer researchers, physicians and nurses,” said Daniel Kennedy, the organizer and co-founder of Worldwide Cancer Prayer Day.
What’s that? You’re skeptical that prayer could cure cancer? You want to know why a benevolent god would give people cancer and then make them beg for it to go away, rather than just not giving it to them in the first place? You believe that cancer is part of “god’s great plan,” and how dare we presume that his plan is imperfect in any way? You’re afraid of “wasting your cancer” by focusing on “getting better” rather than on “cherishing Christ”?
Well, the World Wide Cancer Prayer Network is aware of your concerns:
When we minister healing by using commandment prayers, we see 80 to 90 percent healings. This is phenomenal!
As taught in Mark 11:23, besides healing some practical uses are:
1) If I lose something such as keys or my glasses, I command them to appear where I can find them. They obey and I find them.
2) If my car won’t start or I need a parking place, I command it and it happens.
This is, shall we say, an unconventional reading of Mark 11:23, which is typically only applied to destroying mountains, which is usually a job for donut-eating construction workers, and which tends to run you afoul of the Gaiaists.
Wow, maybe there is a greater plan!