Easter is tomorrow! Sure, if you want to be a wuss you can hunt for eggs or go to church or swing by Marie Callander’s for their special all-you-can-eat brunch.
But if you’re a real Christian, the kind who wants to use god’s supernatural powers to heal your mother of cancer, it’s nail-yourself-to-a-cross-time!
I mean, think about it, if you were Jesus, both god and the son of god, is there anything that would make you want to temporarily change the laws of science to benefit one of your worshipers more than his bloodily reenacting that time that you were tortured by your enemies?
I know that nothing brings out my generosity like vivid recreations of unpleasant episodes from my past!
Still, hand-wounds heal pretty easily (as evidenced by the dude crucifying himself for the Guinness-record 23rd time). I’d be a lot more impressed by believers who beheaded themselves and tried to fix things with transplants of elephant heads.