Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for March, 2009

The Friendly Atheist points out the repugnant case of a mother who believed in resurrection and was therefore willing to just stand by while her son was killed:

Then the soldiers, when they had crucified Jesus, took his garments, and made four parts, to every soldier a part; and also his coat: now the coat was without seam, woven from the top throughout.

They said therefore among themselves, Let us not rend it, but cast lots for it, whose it shall be: that the scripture might be fulfilled, which saith, They parted my raiment among them, and for my vesture they did cast lots. These things therefore the soldiers did.

Now there stood by the cross of Jesus his mother, and his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Cleophas, and Mary Magdalene.

Her lawyer steps up to her defense:

“She wasn’t delusional, because she was following a religion,” Silverman said, describing the findings of the doctors’ psychiatric evaluation.

Now, that’s the kind of excuse that might have flown 2000 years ago. But we really owe it to ourselves to demand more of people today.

Read Full Post »

foreskins!

For reasons I can’t fathom, I tend to enjoy TV shows about religion (insofar as I enjoy any TV shows). “Bibleman” is of course a favorite, as are Joel Osteen and repeat showings of Left Behind. The latest discovery on this front is NBC’s “Kings”, an attempt to retell the biblical story of King David in an alternate-history present.

It is best if you don’t think about the show too hard, as it immediately raises a number of unanswerable questions, like

* in a world where “America” instead consists of the quasi-religious kingdoms of Gilboa and Gath, why are there still Beethoven sonatas, Liszt concertos, and Mercedes automobiles?

* how is it that a civilization capable of building a modern-NYC-caliber city from scratch has so much trouble figuring out how to destroy what appear to be WWII-caliber tanks?

* haven’t any of these people read the Bible (I am sure that Beethoven did, for instance) and realized that their names and lives are exactly the same as those of the Bible characters?

In any event, I am willing to overlook these flaws, both because the acting is appealing in an oddly-Shakespearean way, and because the Michal character is cute, and because I am curious to see how they incorporate all of the relevant Biblical plot points, many of which are truly bizarre.

In particular, I am oddly excited for the “Philistine Foreskins” episode, which I can only hope airs before the show gets cancelled on account of no one besides me liking it. (Which is the same thing that happened to the show about the grumpy priest who doesn’t really believe in god, the show about the history professor who doesn’t really believe in god, and the show where Jason Bateman and David Garrison try to kill each other in every episode.

Please, won’t you watch it? Foreskins!

Read Full Post »

You have probably been wondering why I have not written anything here recently. (At least, I hope you have been wondering, because otherwise it means you’ve forgotten all about me.) My publisher (that’s me) gave me (that’s me) an end-of-March deadline for getting the damn book finished, which means that every second I’m not at work or at the gym or at the grocery store or in court I’m trying to finish it.

This evening I was putting the finishing touches on the “Jokes about Golf-Playing Clergymen” chapter, which involved constructing the GREATEST RELIGIOUS JOKE OF ALL TIME. Since a joke is no good unless you share it, here it is:

A Catholic priest, an Orthodox priest, a Protestant minister, a Reform rabbi, a Buddhist monk, a Wiccan coven leader, a Hellenist oracle, a Hindu priest, a Caodaist giáo tông, a Zoroastrian gabr, an African shaman, a Muslim imam, a Scientologist OT VII, a Cherokee chief, a Sikh guru, a Jain jina, a Falun Gong practitioner, a Sufi mystic, a Shinto kami, a Jedi knight, a Voodoo zombie, a Rasta ras, an Objectivist philosopher, a Mormon elder, a Level 18 cleric, a Pastafarian pirate, and an atheist are playing golf.

These clergymen are getting bogies and double bogies and triple bogies, but the guy playing in front of them keeps getting holes in one.

So the Catholic priest says, “Who does that guy think he is, the Pope?” And the Orthodox priest says, “Who does that guy think he is, the Patriarch of Constantinople?” And the minister says, “Who does that guy think he is, Jesus Christ?” And the rabbi says, “Who does that guy think he is, Moses?” And the monk says, “Who does that guy think he is, the Buddha?” And the coven leader says, “Who does that guy think he is, Harry Potter?” And the oracle says, “Who does that guy think he is, Achilles?” And the Hindu priest says, “Who does that guy think he is, Vishnu?” And the giáo tông says, “Who does that guy think he is, Cao Đài Tiên Ông Đại Bồ Tát Ma-ha-tát?” And the gabr says, “Who does that guy think he is, Zoroaster?” And the shaman says, “Who does that guy think he is, Tikoloshe?” And the imam says, “Who does that guy think he is, Mohammed?” And the OT VII says, “Who does that guy think he is, David Miscavige?” And the chief says, “Who does that guy think he is, Great Spirit?” And the guru says, “Who does that guy think he is, Nanak Dev?” And the jina says, “Who does that guy think he is, Shri Mahavir?” And the Gonger says, “Who does that guy think he is, Li Hongzhi?” And the mystic says, “Who does that guy think he is, Uwais al-Qarni?” And the kami says, “Who does that guy think he is, Amaterasu-omikami”? And the Jedi says, “Who does that guy think he is, the chosen one?” And the zombie says, “Who does that guy think he is, Marie Laveau?” And the ras says, “Who does that guy think he is, Haile Selassie?” And the Objectivist says, “Who does that guy think he is, Howard Roark?” And the elder says, “Who does that guy think he is, Brigham Young?” And the cleric says, “Who does that guy think he is, Garl Glittergold?” And the pirate says, “Who does that guy think he is, the Flying Spaghetti Monster?”

So the atheist says, “No, that’s Tiger Woods.”

You may laugh now.

Read Full Post »